Seattle Riots on News of Ineligible Player

Police Called Out to Restore Order

Thousands of Mariners fans took to the streets of downtown Seattle tonight following the announcement by the Molson Baseball League that the World Champion San Francisco Giants used an ineligible player during their recent playoff run, which included seven-game series victories over the Arizona Diamondbacks in the Honus Wagner League Championship and the Seattle Mariners in the World Series. Fans flocked into Pioneer Plaza and the area near Pike's Place Market chanting, "We want justice," and "Giants suck." San Franscisco owner Peter Spellos, a longtime Washington Capitals fan, was burned in effigy in several areas of the city.

Brian Fuentes, the center of the scandal, could not be reached for comment. The San Francisco Giants organization also refused requests for interviews for this story.

"This is a terrible scandal," Mariners season ticket holder Angelina Jolie said. "Shoeless Joe Fuentes has a nice ring to it." Ms. Jolie then quickly moved to adopt a Seattle youth.

As news of the scandal spread, fans that had gathered outside the final residence of Nirvana lead man Kurt Cobain reacted with rage and quickly organized a Spellos movie burning. Unfortunately, they were met with disappointment as they moved from video outlet to video outlet seeking fuel for their bonfire. Ultimately, one enterprising resident sold a copy of Bound and an American Dream: Season One box set to the crowd.

"If Miles Brand were in charge, the Giants would be handing in their rings," one resident said, "and probably would not be allowed to play in the postseason or on television for a year or two."